CHEERS!: C.A.B.A.L. successfully grew the global misery index by 8% in Q2 of 2026
FIELD RECRUITMENT EXERCISE
WHY RECRUIT?
The Coalition has determined that the current global population of compliant, capable, and sufficiently obedient individuals is below the optimal threshold. Sub-optimal conditions lead to rebellion. Rebellion leads to a loss of societal control, and a lack of control leads to significant financial setbacks for our global investment portfolio.
OUR SOLUTION
In response, the executive leadership from C.A.B.A.L.'s Strategic Tyranny division has authorized a limited Field Recruitment Exercise to identify new initiates. Qualified candidates will be evaluated on their capacity for observation, deduction, resourcefulness and physical initiative.
HOW IT WORKS
The Field Recruitment Exercise (FRE) is our primary method of identifying, evaluating, and inducting new initiates into the Coalition. Unlike traditional recruitment processes which rely on interviews, references, and the relentless exchange of insufferable pleasantries, the FRE assesses candidates through direct field action. You will be given intelligence. You will act on it. You will either succeed or you will not. C.A.B.A.L. does not offer participation trophies. C.A.B.A.L. offers an opportunity to transcend the ordinary.
The FRE is open to all individuals who have been made aware of its existence. If you are reading this, you have been made aware. There are no coincidences.